So I just saw this article. If you don't feel like reading it, I'll give you the gist.
Basically, the fact that Tiger Woods stuck his dick in some strange pussy has affected the stock market by billions of dollars.
Billions of dollars.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!
A golf player? The fact that a golf player is fucking someone (or several someones) other than his wife has the power to affect this country's stock market to the tune of BILLIONS of dollars?!?!
That's just all wrong.
I really need to move. Somewhere. Anywhere. Preferably a place where the local economy is in no way affected by the actions of a GOLF PLAYER'S penis.
Madagascar? You're looking really good to me right now...
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