...because if it weren't for facebook, I wouldn't have had to have this conversation today:
(both of us sitting in the kitchen on our laptops)
Me: "Hey, you changed your relationship status to 'in a relationship and it's complicated'. How are we complicated? As a matter of fact, weren't we saying JUST YESTERDAY how glad we were that our relationship is so uncomplicated and drama-free? What the fuck?"
Him: "Well, it IS complicated. Your status says 'single'. If your status says 'single' and mine says 'in a relationship', you don't think that's complicated?"
Me: "What? What the fuck are you talking about? Are you serious? Besides, I AM single, technically. We're not married."
Him: "Not the point. Don't you want people to know that someone's hittin' it every night?"
Me: "I'm sure you could have found a better way to phrase that, Sweetheart. Anyway, the people who need to know that information know already. Does EVERYONE on facebook have to know EVERY tiny little detail of my personal life at every moment?"
Him: "Fine, I'll change it. What should I put? That we're in an open relationship?"
Him: "Why not? We ARE in an open relationship! We're totally open with each other! We talk about everything!"
Me: "Oh, fuck you. That's not what that means and you know it."
Him: "So you're saying that people might get the wrong idea?"
Him: "And you keeping your relationship status as 'single' won't give people the wrong idea about what's actually going on with your relationship status?"
Me: (long pause) "Oh, fuck you..."
He won, in the end. I changed my damned status to 'in a damned relationship'. Seriously though? Is this how it works now? Is this how relationships are defined? According to facebook status?
"Hey, what's happening with that girl you were seeing?"
"I think that's done. Last week her status said we were complicated, but now it says she's single."
I give up. I'm waving a white flag. I hereby relinquish the remaining shreds of my privacy. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. What color are my panties right now? Black. When was the last time I took a shit? About two hours ago. Who do I secretly wish I could fuck? My boss.
Seriously. Whatever you want to know. Just check my status...