Friday, January 22, 2010

Careful what you leave on your coffee table...

So I was just sitting around here, looking at my apartment, which is a mess because I'm in the middle of moving, and a thought occurred.  If I died today, right now even, what would people going through my apartment think?  Especially people who didn't know me very well, maybe even people who were trying to learn a little bit about me through my belongings.  How accurate would their conclusions be?

They would correctly assume that I like to wear wigs and dress up in costumes.  They would wonder who that guy is in all those pictures, probably figure it's my boyfriend.  Not really.  It's Janson.  Remember Janson?

Would they understand that the Sizzler thing is an inside joke between me and Adriana and Alika and that the last time I was in Hawaii Alika gave me those coupons to bring back to Adriana as a "present" and I keep forgetting to give them to her?  No, they would probably just think I was broke and really liked Sizzler.

They'd say, "Well, we should throw out this dingy old hair tie" not realizing that Laurette left it at my house last time she was in from Ireland and I've carried it with me to three different apartments because when I see it on the table I think of her and smile.

They would realize I love New Orleans.  A lot.  If they weren't from New Orleans, they would wonder why the fuck I have a coconut, all decorated and painted with the words "Zulu 1998" on my table.

They would definitely know a Saints fan lived here.  A New York Rangers hockey fan, too.

They would incorrectly assume I was a musician, from all the instruments and sheet music in the corner.  They would correctly assume that I go to a lot of live shows, from all the concert posters on my wall.

The photos and browser history on this computer would make my life more or less an open book.  I would hope they wouldn't go to the trouble of hacking my password on my other laptop so they could see all my fucked up stories and mean shit I've written about other people.  Not to mention all the nasty porn that's on there. Speaking of which...

That little, ahh... bag of tricks, shall we say, that's under my bed?  Please don't go in there.  I know that you will, though.  You won't be able to help yourself.  Hopefully it's all stuff you've seen before.  Although let me just say right now, for the record:  That girl in that picture whose face you can't see?  It's not me.  I was, however, the person holding the camera...

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