I’m sick and tired of seeing fleur de lis everywhere.
It’s not because I don’t love New Orleans. I do. Oh, I do. I really do.
And that’s exactly why I’m sick of seeing fleur de lis everywhere. You see, for some reason, the fleur de lis has become some kind of trendy fashion accessory in recent years. A fashion accessory that has absolutely nothing to do with New Orleans. They’re everywhere now. Faded fleur de lis printed on expensive jeans. Fancy fleur de lis all tricked out on douchey T-shirts. I even saw fleur de lis on a pair of sunglasses recently.
Well, I have just one thing to say about all of this.
BACK THE FUCK OFF OUR FLEUR DE LIS, MOTHERFUCKERS!
I’ve had quite enough of seeing fleur de lis and thinking, “Yay! Saints fan! New Orleans native! One of my people!” Only to go say hello and find out it’s just some idiot trying to look cool.
A while back some big old bag o’douche from L.A. came into the bar. You’ve seen this type before. Three hundred dollar jeans, black sport coat over a T-shirt, metro-sexual facial hair, artfully gelled coif. Cocky-ass, self-entitled, I-am-the-shit attitude. I wanted to slap him before he even said a word. But that might have gotten me fired.
Being nice to people is a part of my job, so I asked about the big, shiny fleur de lis on his T-shirt. “Oh,” I said, “Are you a Saints fan?” He looked at me, perplexed. “Huh?”
“A Saints fan. The fleur de lis on your shirt. Are you a Saints fan?” He looked down at his shirt. “Oh, this? I just bought this shirt, I don’t even know what that symbol means.” I graduated from wanting to slap him to wanting to pummel him.
New Orleanians! We cannot idly stand by and allow this to continue! We must unite! We must take back our beloved fleur de lis! We mustn’t allow douche bags and clueless fashion victims to desecrate our beloved symbol of hometown pride, our sacred sign of Saints football! We must stand firm. Otherwise, we’ll be forced to abandon the fleur de lis completely, and then we’ll be stuck with a giant crawfish or something stupid like that. Stand tall with me, my brothers and sisters! We have a battle to fight! Take no prisoners!
This message brought to you by the Society for the Prevention of the Misrepresentation of the New Orleans Fleur de Lis. Yeah you right!